arcadia30 (arcadia30) wrote,

i had something happen to me many, many years ago i never spoke about. To be honest, for a long time i werent sure what it was.

About 3 years ago, i was very overweight. I was over 11 stone. Which to some people, may not sound much. But i'm also only 5ft. All the women in my family, tend to carry their weight around the middle, as we have high set hips amd waist. So i carried most of my weight around that region. I've seen photos of me from that time and i, nor my own mother recognised me, i looked very different. Naturally, im quite a petite person, with no just being short, but having a small frame too and a slim face. In these photos i was all bloated. It wasn't nice.

This, i think, was from lack of exercise and ben cooking near enough every unhealthy meal we had (which was all of them) in butter. Then we used to eat out alot in mcdonalds. So it was hardly surprised one night when i was tucking in at something while bem was asleep that i had, what i now know, was a heart attack. A very small one that went away within 5 minutes. But it was terrifying. It felt like my chest was being squeezed and then crushed and i couldnt breathe. I had an intense painful squeezing sensation down my left arm, it went all dead and numb too. Very weird feeling. It did disperse after a couple of minutes, but those minutes i was paralyzed. I couldnt speak or move, nothing. I just sat there silently, not being able to breathe. Everything in me just froze.

When it went away, my heart was pounding with arthmia, which again, is so weird, but its something i have mildly when i have periods of intense stress or anxiety. Wobbily i went into the bedroom and told ben who was half asleep, and he patted me sleepily and said it was probably just heart burn, and went back to sleep.

For years, ive never really known what it was. I've never had it since. I get indigestion every now and then, if ive eaten something like pastry. But i cant help but think, that couldnt have been heartburn.

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